Babies don’t keep
The weight of her in my arms is still my favorite thing. I love having her there, cradled (seldom), cuddled (only the middle of the night or after a good old bonk), resting upright so she can see everything (always).
I picked her up tonight because she wasn’t falling asleep after feeding at midnight (we are adjusting back to Eastern time) and as I rocked her and patted her back I thought about how even 5 months ago I was doing that regularly at night, before naps, on jsut bad days for her. I held her all the time like a baby, because SHE IS ONE. But she doesn’t think she is as she stands against everything now and yacks away mostly to herself, as she crawls, climbs, grabs and grins—she thinks she’s a big girl. That means I have to hold her like one or I don’t get to hold her. And as I rocked her tonight when I would have liked to be in bed, I realized that even though I spent months exhausted by doing it, I now missed the never ending rocking. That tiny person needed to be rocked and wanted me to do it. That’s an honor to experience and the time you get to do it slips away too fast, as I’m now learning. She fell asleep right after I laid her down and I just stood there and thought about nights I would have killed for that (honestly, I may have actually killed something for the possibility) and now I’m hoping time slows to give me at least a few more nights of it.
“So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep. I’m rocking my baby, and babies don’t keep.”
-Ruth Hulbert Hamilton
I picked her up tonight because she wasn’t falling asleep after feeding at midnight (we are adjusting back to Eastern time) and as I rocked her and patted her back I thought about how even 5 months ago I was doing that regularly at night, before naps, on jsut bad days for her. I held her all the time like a baby, because SHE IS ONE. But she doesn’t think she is as she stands against everything now and yacks away mostly to herself, as she crawls, climbs, grabs and grins—she thinks she’s a big girl. That means I have to hold her like one or I don’t get to hold her. And as I rocked her tonight when I would have liked to be in bed, I realized that even though I spent months exhausted by doing it, I now missed the never ending rocking. That tiny person needed to be rocked and wanted me to do it. That’s an honor to experience and the time you get to do it slips away too fast, as I’m now learning. She fell asleep right after I laid her down and I just stood there and thought about nights I would have killed for that (honestly, I may have actually killed something for the possibility) and now I’m hoping time slows to give me at least a few more nights of it.
“So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep. I’m rocking my baby, and babies don’t keep.”
-Ruth Hulbert Hamilton
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