Letter to me
I found this post unpublished after deciding to get back to my blogging. I haven't written enough this year, mostly because too many things I want to write about are a little bit too painful to dwell on, still. But I thought this was beautiful and I needed to read it, even just a few months after I wrote it.
To the future me,
I was told by someone that I should write a letter to myself at this time in my life, with so much happening. Matt and I are in the middle of deciding where to go to graduate school for Matt, I am starting with an online graduate program and we are in the middle of starting a family. We are also dealing with the deaths of some of my close family members and everything that comes with that. It's been crazy. And things are really starting to look up for us and falling into place.
What I want to say in a letter to myself is this: you will look back on this year (after graduation until moving for graduate school) and think of it as one of your hardest years for many different reasons. But there has hardly been more chance for growth than everything that has happened in the last 6-10 months: the death of those so close to me, miscarrying a baby, preparing to leave the state for at least 2 years, working jobs I struggle to see the fulfillment in sometimes, working to find real balance and purpose. It's been a lot. But I want to always remember and appreciate this year, and never forgot what I was able to take from it.
I know that I will always be grateful that we are past making the decision of where to go to school and possibly live there a long time. I will always be grateful to finally have my kids with me and to make it to having my family really started. I will always be grateful I had so much time with my grandma before she passed away. I will always be grateful for a year of family, and helping those I love and learning to be better even if I don't feel successful most days.
I have learned a lot, and I want myself in the future to know that this was a great year and a terrible year and a sad year and a bad year and a good year and a happy year and a surprising year and a year full of everything that Matt and I could possibly have ever imagined experiencing in our second year of marriage. To the future me, remember that this was a terrible and perfectly necessary year of your life. To the future me, know that you did learn to stop and love where you were in this year, even on the days when you felt like tearing your hair out and giving up. To the future me, things were just fine this year, no matter what you remember happening. Remember that it was something you needed, and it was horrible sometimes, and it was completely wonderful and vital and real. And even though you should never want to go back because the present is the best place to be, this was a year I will always look back on with some pride and happiness and nostalgia and maybe a little bit of longing (at least because I would like more sleep).
So, future me, remember that this year was PURE GROWTH. And try to still appreciate it more than you even do now. And always remember to find the joy in now, and in yourself.
Love, Mandy of April 2017
To the future me,
I was told by someone that I should write a letter to myself at this time in my life, with so much happening. Matt and I are in the middle of deciding where to go to graduate school for Matt, I am starting with an online graduate program and we are in the middle of starting a family. We are also dealing with the deaths of some of my close family members and everything that comes with that. It's been crazy. And things are really starting to look up for us and falling into place.
What I want to say in a letter to myself is this: you will look back on this year (after graduation until moving for graduate school) and think of it as one of your hardest years for many different reasons. But there has hardly been more chance for growth than everything that has happened in the last 6-10 months: the death of those so close to me, miscarrying a baby, preparing to leave the state for at least 2 years, working jobs I struggle to see the fulfillment in sometimes, working to find real balance and purpose. It's been a lot. But I want to always remember and appreciate this year, and never forgot what I was able to take from it.
I know that I will always be grateful that we are past making the decision of where to go to school and possibly live there a long time. I will always be grateful to finally have my kids with me and to make it to having my family really started. I will always be grateful I had so much time with my grandma before she passed away. I will always be grateful for a year of family, and helping those I love and learning to be better even if I don't feel successful most days.
I have learned a lot, and I want myself in the future to know that this was a great year and a terrible year and a sad year and a bad year and a good year and a happy year and a surprising year and a year full of everything that Matt and I could possibly have ever imagined experiencing in our second year of marriage. To the future me, remember that this was a terrible and perfectly necessary year of your life. To the future me, know that you did learn to stop and love where you were in this year, even on the days when you felt like tearing your hair out and giving up. To the future me, things were just fine this year, no matter what you remember happening. Remember that it was something you needed, and it was horrible sometimes, and it was completely wonderful and vital and real. And even though you should never want to go back because the present is the best place to be, this was a year I will always look back on with some pride and happiness and nostalgia and maybe a little bit of longing (at least because I would like more sleep).
So, future me, remember that this year was PURE GROWTH. And try to still appreciate it more than you even do now. And always remember to find the joy in now, and in yourself.
Love, Mandy of April 2017
I love you. "To the moon and back" as Amberly would say. :)
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