what I want her to know

I am hyper-guilty. I feel guilt and remorse very intensely, so intensely that I get myself super sick over some things I remember as some of my most un-noble moments. Of course, this is a self diagnosis. But I still totally know it's true. I'm not sure if it's something you diagnose, or just counts as a characteristic trait, but it's always been this way for me. Unfortunately, this doesn't seem to keep me from doing stupid things that will cause me to feel this way...I know, awesome combination.

As I was dwelling on some of the things that make me feel this way whenever I recall them, I realized that if I didn't actually turn these idiotic experiences into something that is good or can be learned from, I would forever have crazy, not-even-that-bad baggage to deal with and any time those things came into my mind I would chip off a piece of my self-worth and replace it with an ugly chunk of self-hate. So...I decided to kind of look back, and through my choices and experiences, make a set of guidelines or tips I would give to a young girl starting way back where I did. I can even use this as what I might tell my daughter(s) in the future, the advice and lampposts, if you will, I would give them to help learn from my mistakes. Here are some that come to mind at the present time:

• Don't dwell. It only ends up making it impossible to let things go and not move on. There is nothing you can do now, right? Except for making what you can right again, and then move right along down the track. 
• You have plenty of future mistakes awaiting you each and every day. But that is okay. Because if you didn't make mistakes then you wouldn't have that great story about the time you fell flat on your face while on a date, because you worn the cutest shoes, not the smartest shoes. Or you won't have that one friend in your life because you ended up crashing your car and they came to your rescue. Allow yourself to make mistakes. Don't ever be afraid to be imperfect.
• And with so much coming, you don't have time to worry about what you've done. But you also shouldn't totally forget the choices and mistakes you've made. Keep them in the archives, so that you can pull them out and learn from them when necessary. But once you are done, stick them back into that drawer in the back labeled THE PAST and come back to the present day.
• Ask for help. Sometimes it seems like it would be easier to work out your problems alone, without interference or judgement. However, experience can almost always trump youth...so ask those who have maybe been in the same boat, or at least may be able to see the situation from more than one point of view
• Only kiss one boy at a time. Seriously. It just gets sticky, messy, yucky when there is more than one fairly invested heart involved. My mom always taught me that hearts are the one thing not to be trifled with. It's true. Do you like it when yours is broken because of dishonesty or a break in loyalty? Absolutely not.
• ALWAYS treat those around you with kindness. Even the ones you hate, the ones who drive you crazy, and especially the ones who deserve meanness. Because the kind one always comes out on top. They always come out with the lighter heart and conscious. There will be at least one million instances in which rudeness or anger could be justified, especially when you are shaking and on the verge of bursting. Take a walk, call someone who loves you more than anything, lie down, pray. Control and calm always feels better in the end, I promise.
• Forgive others. If you don't, you are in the wrong. It's always that simple. Forgiving allows you to move on, and what's the #1 piece of advice? Yep, move right along. Life is too short to dwell on the people who hurt you and the things they did to hurt you. You deserve better. But they also deserve a second chance. Because you want to be forgiven by others, right?
• Forgive yourself. There is a good chance that this will be the very hardest for you. Seriously. Because when you are in the wrong, even if you do what you can to fix it and you pray and work your hardest, you still have to let it go that you hurt someone or something and move past it. That's life. But why is it such a hard thing to do? Because you're supposed to be good, you aren't supposed to do this kind of thing. Wrong. EVERYONE does this kind of thing. And it does not, under any circumstances mean that you are a bad person. It means you are human. But forgiveness is meant for everyone, including you and your momentary idiocy with that decision you made. Guess what? It's made. Make it right, piece of the pieces and make shape the ugliness of your human-ness into something beautiful and worth learning from. 
• This is a test. And you know how to pass. Doesn't make it any easier. But if you let the Lord guide you and trust yourself and loved ones...you're golden. And nobody will have any reason to not be proud of you.