what to do with [my] LIFE
I love writing. ADORE it, in fact. So why, might one ask (that one is actually just me...) have I been putting off writing almost anything anywhere. Besides, of course, anything that is required of me to write for classes or work or Aggie BluePrint (even then....). I was just thinking about this today. I have hardly written on this blog (not that I didn't that tons before), in my journal, letters to friends--mostly missionaries, anywhere. If it has to do with anything besides statistical methods in my Research class, conjugations in Spanish, the history of naked statues in Creative Arts (not my absolute favorite to write about anyway), or interesting quotes coming from an interviewee's mouth it will not be penned by my hand.
BAD.
It is never good for someone who is basically only able to properly communicate with the written word to just....not be writing. Or at least this is my own observation from the unnecessary anxiety, stress, and inner feelings that I keep feeling are going to explode out at any moment. I feel trapped. But why??
Because I am scared of what is going to come out. I am scared to see what exactly I am feeling that I haven't faced it. I don't want to tell "my missionary" that I am dating someone more seriously than the last time I told him there was someone. I don't want to see how scared I am when I write in my journal about my fear of the future. I am terrified to let anybody else know what is going on as I try to figure out if I want to run away into the world or stay by the side of a wonderful person who could make me better. This is my problem. Why let anyone else know?? Of course, I should probably at least inform myself. Which I think is what I am doing right now.
I have to actually be honest with myself. That's a start. I think that will actually make it easier to be honest with the other people involved. But that's another step for another day.
Here's a nice little reminder I saw on facebook from a good friend. Thanks Steph. Maybe I will start feeling like I am doing something wonderful with my life, again, soon.
BAD.
It is never good for someone who is basically only able to properly communicate with the written word to just....not be writing. Or at least this is my own observation from the unnecessary anxiety, stress, and inner feelings that I keep feeling are going to explode out at any moment. I feel trapped. But why??
Because I am scared of what is going to come out. I am scared to see what exactly I am feeling that I haven't faced it. I don't want to tell "my missionary" that I am dating someone more seriously than the last time I told him there was someone. I don't want to see how scared I am when I write in my journal about my fear of the future. I am terrified to let anybody else know what is going on as I try to figure out if I want to run away into the world or stay by the side of a wonderful person who could make me better. This is my problem. Why let anyone else know?? Of course, I should probably at least inform myself. Which I think is what I am doing right now.
I have to actually be honest with myself. That's a start. I think that will actually make it easier to be honest with the other people involved. But that's another step for another day.
Here's a nice little reminder I saw on facebook from a good friend. Thanks Steph. Maybe I will start feeling like I am doing something wonderful with my life, again, soon.
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