Do not hate the barrier

Here is part of a letter that I wrote to Josh (and the family) almost 2 weeks ago, and wanted to share on here to keep somewhere besides my inbox:

I have been thinking since last Sunday about the lesson shared in Sunday School, and the idea of being obedient to the words of whichever living prophet we happen to have the blessing of listening to. The teacher had technical troubles so she could only tell us about a video she wanted to show us from the Primary's version of the Come Follow Me lesson. It's told by a general authority who met some surfers on a beach who were frustrated that there was a barrier across the entire bay where they wanted to surf with huge waves. He asked them why they were frustrated, and they said it was because this was a once-in-a-lifetime experience to surf those waves and the barrier wouldn't let them get to the biggest of them. A more seasoned surfer came up to them eventually, handing them some binoculars and told them to look closer. They could see a plethora of dorsal fins on top of the water, just on the other side of the barrier. There were huge sharks everywhere during that season, and they couldn't get close to the beach with the barrier in the way. The seasoned surfer took the binoculars back and simply said (in the teacher's words), "Do not hate the barrier. It is the only thing keeping you from being devoured." 

That statement struck me. I had spent the last few weeks before thinking about how some things I was "supposed" to do, things I felt were taking a lot of my time, things I didn't really want to do, were just too much for me right now. I was a little tired of people looking at us weird when I say we don't drink coffee (though I can safely say I would prefer every day to not be reliant on a substance for my energy), or telling friends no to going out for dinner on Sundays (I love my days of rest). It was all entirely selfish stuff, things I know the reason behind, things I know we do because a loving Heavenly Father asks us to do. I had just kind of been falling behind in going above and beyond with my studies, my daily Christlike work in our home. I started to mentally be tired of things that protected me, I was annoyed by the barrier, even if I had no intention of going over it. 

Then I heard this simple message and realized that it wasn't just that I didn't want to be devoured, I wanted to be obedient. I have a true desire to listen to Heavenly Father because I love Him. He loves us and put guidelines into our lives with the agency to choose whatever we want. The guidelines keep the sharks from devouring us. It made me realize that there are so many important ways to remind ourselves so this and that these things (especially living obediently) are crucial to be teaching the next generation. I have to keep teaching Ada and all of my children that there is a reason God has given us commandments and policies and loving guidance. 

I hope things are going well, and that you are finding people who truly want to keep the commandments, people who love to hear God's word. I am so proud of you to be sharing this, and I hope that you can come home with a new resolve to keep the commandments yourself after teaching these things to others so well. 

I really had been feeling this way. Wouldn't it teach us new resolve and self-control to be given the choice to drink alcohol or coffee (honestly, I don't want to drink these things, I was just getting tired at the time of explaining to people that we just don't believe in it)? Wouldn't it be easier to not send a small stitch of guilt to us on Sundays for doing some things that aren't totally devoted to the Sabbath, if they seem to be family-centered? Wouldn't some laxness be okay here and there? Hearing this lesson and those words "IT IS THE ONLY THING KEEPING YOU FROM BEING DEVOURED" was like a massive spiritual slap to the face. NO, Mandy, NO. It would NOT be okay for these things to be okay here and there. It would NOT be okay AT ALL to be lax sometimes. You are human, and that means mortal, and that means carnal. You will be lax anyway. You will do things that are probably not best on Sundays anyway. You will be lax sometimes. You will do these things, and you should never ask the Savior, the Lord, God, your Heavenly Father, ANYBODY, for a pass, an excuse to do these things. You should not long to be less than you are, to have less potential, less freedom, fewer options later down the road. Without these guidelines, you would be painted into a corner by yourself. YOU WOULD BE DEVOURED. 

This is what I heard running through my head when those words struck me. There is no excuse to be lax in the Gospel, in life, in living to be our best selves, and asking for excuses and reasons and justification is living below ourselves. It is not doing the Atonement or the responsibility we carry the honor it deserves. We know truth, while others are in darkness. Sharing that, living it so others know, being bold and willing to do all  He asks is vital to our survival.

After this lesson, whenever I think about it, I imagine a future without my beloved barrier, where I am devoured by a shark of addiction, a shark of inaction, a shark of sin and darkness and unhappiness. I imagine what it would be like to swim seemingly free, and then to see a large dark shape slowly come near until it is too late to avoid jaws that swallow me whole. And the future I want is to be sunbathing, swimming with my babies, spending time with everyone I love, happily away from a barrier keeping me safe and well. 

I've decided to not hate the barrier. And love endlessly the One who erected it in the first place.