storms
I had a really beautiful moment on the Sabbath while sitting in a friend's church service (an advisor of M who we are friends with is a pastor) as he spoke about how the disciples panicked during the storm that came while they sailed with Christ sleeping on board of their boat. He said that oftentimes during the storms of our lives we are so blinded by the pain, the disorientation, the trauma of the moment that we can't even see that Christ is right there on the boat with us. Until He calms the storm around us, or simply calms the storm inside of us, we aren't sure we can survive and usually panic.
He also mentioned that the disciples were actually professionals at the thing they were doing: being on the water. Many of them had done this on the daily, as their daily work, and yet they were concerned they wouldn't survive this. They had experienced storms before. We have all experienced storms before. But there WILL be storms we aren't sure we'll survive. But we have to have the faith to know that the ship is never going down with Christ on board, and He is never NOT on board with us.
However, what really struck me was him saying that we NEVER go through a storm just for a storm's sake. We are NEVER on the ship alone, no matter what mist and rain and lightning and waves are here, with us sure that the ship won't even make it, let alone us.
I was sitting in the middle of a congregation made up mostly of people who are very different from me and my family, who were standing, cheering, chanting and openly loving the Lord for the storms He has calmed in their lives, agreeing that He never leaves. I was sitting in a meeting that had loud voices everywhere and all I could think was about the small voice in my head telling me that the storm I am going through right now may be smaller than many I have faced and sailed through. It is the storm of a new start, of really moving into a phase where I could and should find permanent friends, will have a home to call my own, space to grow my family, a place to keep clearing my path in the world. But I am actually totally terrified. I have friends here, now. My baby has friends. My husband has friends. We love our own church, we love our apartment complex. We would like a few more things to do that a big city offers, but we are happy.
But the Lord never leaves during our storms, big or small. Compared to others, this will seem like a quick 10-minute North Carolina downpour later in life. But right now it feels like a hurricane. It feels like too much, and I can't even make myself admit it's really happening. Even though "There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind" (C.S. Lewis). He is simply waiting for me to see Him there, waiting to help calm the storm, or maybe, just calm me for a minute, so that I can see that it's just a sea breeze pushing me and my family toward something better.
He also mentioned that the disciples were actually professionals at the thing they were doing: being on the water. Many of them had done this on the daily, as their daily work, and yet they were concerned they wouldn't survive this. They had experienced storms before. We have all experienced storms before. But there WILL be storms we aren't sure we'll survive. But we have to have the faith to know that the ship is never going down with Christ on board, and He is never NOT on board with us.
However, what really struck me was him saying that we NEVER go through a storm just for a storm's sake. We are NEVER on the ship alone, no matter what mist and rain and lightning and waves are here, with us sure that the ship won't even make it, let alone us.
I was sitting in the middle of a congregation made up mostly of people who are very different from me and my family, who were standing, cheering, chanting and openly loving the Lord for the storms He has calmed in their lives, agreeing that He never leaves. I was sitting in a meeting that had loud voices everywhere and all I could think was about the small voice in my head telling me that the storm I am going through right now may be smaller than many I have faced and sailed through. It is the storm of a new start, of really moving into a phase where I could and should find permanent friends, will have a home to call my own, space to grow my family, a place to keep clearing my path in the world. But I am actually totally terrified. I have friends here, now. My baby has friends. My husband has friends. We love our own church, we love our apartment complex. We would like a few more things to do that a big city offers, but we are happy.
But the Lord never leaves during our storms, big or small. Compared to others, this will seem like a quick 10-minute North Carolina downpour later in life. But right now it feels like a hurricane. It feels like too much, and I can't even make myself admit it's really happening. Even though "There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind" (C.S. Lewis). He is simply waiting for me to see Him there, waiting to help calm the storm, or maybe, just calm me for a minute, so that I can see that it's just a sea breeze pushing me and my family toward something better.
Love this. You got this Girl. We are praying for you!
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