a post about a girl
About a month ago I was getting into bed and had all of these thoughts running through my head as I knelt to pray. I was so grateful for Ada and things I wanted to remember and needed to write down but was so tired that I made a note to write about them the next day. It's been a month and I'm finally doing it.
Time has just felt like it's gone so fast and sometimes I don't know what to do but feel melancholy. It's a feeling I've grown familiar with as a mom: to know that once a day is gone it will never be back again and to live in the moments with you at the stage you are at right in the present because I will never get that back again with you. There is nothing you can do about it but choose to embrace what you have and move forward, but there are times I've found that I just have to sit in it a little bit and be sad for a while.
I was thinking about this and how I loved it just being you and I all the time, that night. I was thinking about how another little person will come along soon and change everything, and I know that it will rock both my and your worlds. I know that we will have to adjust, find time for just each other, and still live in the moments, with a new little one's time going by with each stage as well. This time you will live in those moments with me, while still having your own. That is something I look forward to seeing, and can't wait for you to know this little person while I get to them, too.
I don't think we were meant to live with the time construct we live with as mortal beings. I don't believe that endings were meant to be for us. We are eternal beings, and having to live with time ticking by and change taking so much from us takes parts of our hearts away, too. Learning to live like this and understand that it is only making us better and allowing us to progress together is part of this life, but it doesn't make it easier. I want time to slow down for us, even though some days are long and exhausting for both of us. But it won't slow down, so I just want to live in it with you as much as I can. I will hold you while I can, I will rock you while I can, I will fix lots of the little things for you as long as I can. I will be what you need right now, at this moment. I have to learn to love it all as I go along, even with change constantly happening.
That led me to my next thought: that being with, holding you against me forever, being able to be what you need when you need it, fixing your problems and teaching you new things is the best and most important calling I will have. I stress about taking care of all of these people in my life that I am in charge of as Relief Society President right now, but you are first and foremost. The Lord wants me to be taking my calling with you most seriously: to be the mom you need and to put you above the rest of it all. I am doing the Lord's work by simply being in the moment with you, Ada. Living life with you is my calling, and my best and most important mission. You are the everything that I need to put my love into, as I serve the Lord, use the Atonement, continually strengthen my marriage, magnify church callings, work, anything I do. You are the pinnacle and the most important part. And when this other person comes along, they will be too.
But right now, it's just you. I am living my calling in life as I live my life with you. Right now you can be my favorite, my only, my best girl, my world, and the most exceptional person I've ever known. You are it, and that is incredible and powerful and amazing to me. I never want to forget it. I will live in what I have right here and now, and not take you or this precious time I have with you for granted. I love you, Adalaide. You are the best part of me, and I will be forever grateful that you are mine, and that I am yours.
Time has just felt like it's gone so fast and sometimes I don't know what to do but feel melancholy. It's a feeling I've grown familiar with as a mom: to know that once a day is gone it will never be back again and to live in the moments with you at the stage you are at right in the present because I will never get that back again with you. There is nothing you can do about it but choose to embrace what you have and move forward, but there are times I've found that I just have to sit in it a little bit and be sad for a while.
I was thinking about this and how I loved it just being you and I all the time, that night. I was thinking about how another little person will come along soon and change everything, and I know that it will rock both my and your worlds. I know that we will have to adjust, find time for just each other, and still live in the moments, with a new little one's time going by with each stage as well. This time you will live in those moments with me, while still having your own. That is something I look forward to seeing, and can't wait for you to know this little person while I get to them, too.
I don't think we were meant to live with the time construct we live with as mortal beings. I don't believe that endings were meant to be for us. We are eternal beings, and having to live with time ticking by and change taking so much from us takes parts of our hearts away, too. Learning to live like this and understand that it is only making us better and allowing us to progress together is part of this life, but it doesn't make it easier. I want time to slow down for us, even though some days are long and exhausting for both of us. But it won't slow down, so I just want to live in it with you as much as I can. I will hold you while I can, I will rock you while I can, I will fix lots of the little things for you as long as I can. I will be what you need right now, at this moment. I have to learn to love it all as I go along, even with change constantly happening.
That led me to my next thought: that being with, holding you against me forever, being able to be what you need when you need it, fixing your problems and teaching you new things is the best and most important calling I will have. I stress about taking care of all of these people in my life that I am in charge of as Relief Society President right now, but you are first and foremost. The Lord wants me to be taking my calling with you most seriously: to be the mom you need and to put you above the rest of it all. I am doing the Lord's work by simply being in the moment with you, Ada. Living life with you is my calling, and my best and most important mission. You are the everything that I need to put my love into, as I serve the Lord, use the Atonement, continually strengthen my marriage, magnify church callings, work, anything I do. You are the pinnacle and the most important part. And when this other person comes along, they will be too.
But right now, it's just you. I am living my calling in life as I live my life with you. Right now you can be my favorite, my only, my best girl, my world, and the most exceptional person I've ever known. You are it, and that is incredible and powerful and amazing to me. I never want to forget it. I will live in what I have right here and now, and not take you or this precious time I have with you for granted. I love you, Adalaide. You are the best part of me, and I will be forever grateful that you are mine, and that I am yours.
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